I had been feeling more lethargic during my down time these past few months. At first, I thought my energy was low because of the state of the world (which would be a rational thought), but to my surprise, the source this time was actually coming from me.
I had a recent realization that one of my Type A personality behaviors was draining my energy. The trait, which I had thought served me so well in all areas of my life was beginning to cause anxiety because it was failing to be sustainable. What's the trait? Planning.
That's not to say planning is all bad, but for me, excessively following my set plans was turning into something I loathed. Life was becoming one big check list with no room for anything else. Without any wiggle room, I felt like I was running on an enclosed hamster wheel in constant motion.
For a long time, I prided myself on being a self-motivated organized high achiever. There is a lot of effort and deep thought behind these things. But to be an ever-evolving individual, wisdom sometimes requires you to end up in the very place you started.
Life can't be wrangled or controlled into submission or molded into what you want it to look like. I know this, and I never intended to use planning as a tool to pretend I could control anything; however, I was trying to heavily influence reality based on my actions according to my plans. I know now that the difference between control and influence is pretty much the same.
The realization that released me was accepting the fact that the overuse of planning would only ever leave me drained of my energy; this was because my mind was being taken hostage -- occupied by thinking about what I didn’t get done or what was coming next. My new approach is this: if I have a plan, I need to treat it as a loose guideline rather than as a ridged step-by-step instruction manual.